Do you have someone with narcissistic tendencies in your life?
If you’re interested in learning Tricks to Disarm a Narcissist, you probably will. And it can be tricky, right?
In theory, we probably all know that narcissists have a reputation for being annoying and hurtful; it is best to avoid them at all costs. In reality, however, it is not always realistic to just completely cut someone out of your life.
Whether it’s a family member, a work colleague, a neighbour or even a close friend or partner, if you can’t leave them out, then you’ll have to learn how to deal with them.
With that in mind, today we’re sharing seven little-known psychological tricks that will help you disarm a narcissist.
Have you tried any of these before?
1) Understand their tactics
So you want to disarm a narcissist? The first thing you need to do is understand their tactics.
Remember, narcissists behave the way they do because it serves them, they get what they want. By understanding what they do and why, you can begin to take away their power.
Do your research. Learn about the mind of a narcissist. It’s like knowing your rival team’s playbook. Then you can start developing countertactics that work.
Think about this: To the untrained eye, narcissists can come across as self-centred and arrogant attention seekers. The truth is that many people with narcissistic tendencies lack self-esteem, struggle with insecurities, and have an intense fear of being vulnerable.
Reality is very different from perception. If you truly understand narcissists and their tactics, you will increase your chances of successfully dealing with them.
2) Don’t try to fix them
When my old neighbour saw a girl dating a guy who was hard to get along with, he said, “Well, she sure likes a project.” Later I understood what he meant.
The expression refers to a woman who enters a relationship to fix her partner, rather than accept him for who he is.
And that brings us to our next lesson in disarming a narcissist. You need to realize that “narcissism is a complex personality construct that, according to most scientists, has several different dimensions,” as noted by Psychology Today.
It’s not something that can be solved. Nothing you can do will “cure” this person of their narcissistic tendencies.
Instead of trying to change them, focus on the things you can do to cope with them and reduce their negative impact on you.
3) Take action when boundaries are crossed
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’ve probably noticed that they regularly ignore boundaries, right? I recently realized that a friend I had in college had narcissistic tendencies.
Let me explain: she had a habit of being late, I mean almost an hour or later.
On winter mornings she offered to take me to college, and I gladly accepted. She went in anyway and it saved me from walking in the rain. But a pattern emerged: She showed up 45 minutes or more late and I missed my class because of it.
When I told her that if she didn’t leave at 9 a.m. I would just walk so I wouldn’t miss my class, she said I was ungrateful for the elevator. But she promised to be on time next time.
But she never was. The mistake I made was that even though I tried to set a boundary, I never followed and enforced it. And I didn’t take any action when she ignored it.
Everyone knows about setting boundaries with narcissists, but one of the hallmarks of narcissism is setting boundaries lack of respect for the boundaries of others so they will likely exceed them. In this case, you must enforce that boundary and take action if it is crossed. This is the key to disarming a narcissist.
Only when they realize that their actions will have consequences will they see behaviour change.
4) Limit sharing of personal information
Most of us remember what it felt like when our best friend in high school betrayed us by telling everyone a secret that we shared with them in confidence, right?
We end up feeling vulnerable, exposed and isolated. And this is what a narcissist will do to you if you share something personal with him or her. It feels like they are a trusted friend at the time, but later they will use it against you.
Sharing personal information can make us feel vulnerable. And manipulation requires vulnerability to work well so that they will use this to attract you and build a relationship of trust with you. Later they will use what they know about you to manipulate you.
Keep your personal belongings to yourself. The less they know about you, the less they can mess with you.
And it makes it a lot easier to stay emotionally detached, which leads us to our next trick.
5) Stay emotionally detached
Have you ever wondered how narcissists are so good at manipulating those around them?
They have the gift of attracting people to them by playing on their emotions. Once they can elicit an emotional response from you, they can control the situation and have you exactly where they want you.
As soon as you feel yourself justifying, arguing, defending or explaining yourself to a narcissist, you are already lost.
The best way to combat this is to remain emotionally distant. Don’t get caught up in this emotional cycle. If you can do this, a narcissist will have difficulty controlling the situation and will lose his power.
This is easier said than done and you may need to work on developing your emotional intelligence to pull this off.
6) Use the ‘grey stone’ method
A guy I worked with a few years ago made me the butt of every joke. At first, I laughed along, but the more I did, the crueller his jokes became.
I could tell that despite his arrogant attitude, he had no self-esteem, so instead of putting him down in front of everyone, I decided to simply deprive him of any ammunition I could use against me.
I seemed as boring as possible to him. I haven’t shared anything about my personal life, my weekend activities, or my past experiences. Every time he talked to me, even when he was nice, I gave him as little as possible.
And it worked. It didn’t take long for him to lose interest in me and move on. I later found out that this is known as the ‘grey stone’ method.
Unfortunately, narcissists sometimes put others down just to make themselves feel better. And even if it’s not your fault, if this happens to you, you need to take action to stop it. And the “grey rock” method is a simple but effective way to deal with a narcissist.
7) Be crystal clear and focus on facts, not emotions
We’ve already talked about the fact that narcissists use manipulation as one of their dominant tactics to gain control and get what they want.
The point is: that manipulation is very dependent on the presence of emotions to be effective. If you can take away the emotion, it becomes incredibly difficult for a narcissist to successfully manipulate you.
Focus on the facts, not how you feel. Think of yourself as a detective collecting evidence, all that matters are the hard facts.
Here’s the deal: By being crystal clear and focusing only on facts, it is much harder for a narcissist to twist your words and gain the upper hand.
It’s a little-known trick to disarm a narcissist, because most of us as humans are driven by emotion, sometimes even contrary to rational behavior. It’s not easy, but if you can do it, it’s a game changer.
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Chances are we’ll all encounter people with narcissistic tendencies in our lives, but knowing these tricks can help you minimize their negative impact on you.
A word of caution: It’s not easy to get the upper hand with a narcissist. It takes perseverance and practice, but if you get good at these seven tricks, narcissists won’t control you.
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