You might think that you are 100% sure that you want to commit, especially if you are deeply in love and have been together for a while.
But dating isn’t just romance.
It’s also about figuring out whether our partner is the right person for us, and whether we are actually willing to commit.
You may think you’re sure…but are you sure about your relationship?
If you can relate to these feelings, that’s probably not the case.
1) You feel lost (and have been for a while)
You’ve been together for a long time and yet you still don’t have strong feelings for your partner.
They’re… okay, and that’s it.
They are nice to have around, but you don’t really feel the need to tie the knot with them.
You thought things would become clearer the more time you spent together. But instead, you find yourself even more lost now than when you started.
Should you just accept that you can never be 100% sure about anything in life?
Is the problem yours or are they not the ones?
You have so many questions about your relationship and about yourself that you often wish someone would just tell you exactly what to do because it makes you sick.
2) You feel pressured when they talk about marriage
If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like the idea of marriage in the first place, you can skip this.
But if you’ve always dreamed of marrying the love of your life, and you somehow feel uncomfortable when they bring up marriage, you need to take some time to think.
Especially if you have been together for years!
This may mean that there is still something you need to sort out – as a couple or as an individual – before you take the next step forward.
Maybe your partner is having trouble holding down a job, and you just can’t see yourself marrying someone who can’t even support themselves.
Take a moment to sit down and ask yourself the question why marriage scares you now that you were so excited about it.
3) You are happy, but you feel like something is missing
You enjoy their company.
They make you feel loved and appreciated. The conversation with them is always pleasant and full of laughter.
In fact, you find it hard to imagine a world without them by your side.
But at the same time you wonder if they are really the one for you, because somehow something is just missing.
You may not feel like you’ve achieved your life purpose when you’re with them. Or maybe you want children and she doesn’t.
You may find that your life, although happy, has no meaning.
If so, be careful.
Finding another partner won’t necessarily solve this. This is a sign that you may be in the middle of a midlife crisis.
You’re better off talking to your partner about it to see if there’s anything you can do to make sure you’re not just happy, but complete.
4) You feel anxious when you think about the future
When your relationship was still new, you looked forward to your future together every day.
After all, you have already found your life partner!
It was a matter of waiting for ‘the rest of your life’ to begin.
And yet, now that this future is upon us, you are anxious, even afraid.
Now you prefer to focus on the present rather than thinking about what the future holds.
It’s probably because your honeymoon is over and you now see your partner (and relationship) in a different light. And you realize that this isn’t really the life you want!
Or it could just be fear. If you happen to be the anxious type, it doesn’t matter, even if they are, you’ll be nervous anyway.
5) You are indifferent to their family and friends
Once you decide to take the relationship seriously, it’s almost natural that you’ll want to know and build a bond with their friends and family.
You’d at least want to know what they’re up to.
Is their mother happy in her new home?
Has their bestie moved on from their abusive ex?
What are their cousins up to?
But somehow, even though you’ve been together for a while, you didn’t care about the people around your partner.
It’s especially annoying if you’re completely disinterested in your current partner’s friends and family, even though you cared deeply about them in your previous relationships.
You’re not necessarily a heartless bastard, mind you. You may not be as confident in your relationship as you think.
6) You wish they would change for the better
We are all imperfect, and a good sign that you are in a healthy relationship is knowing and… accept that your partner is flawed.
Do you ever find yourself thinking things like, “Oh, I would marry him if he would just stop drinking so much”?
Or “I love her so much, but I won’t call her if she doesn’t know how to control her temper”?
Then you are certainly insecure about your relationship.
7) You doubt whether you can commit to it for life
You get a little dizzy when you hear the word ‘forever’.
You like them, sure. But you’re not entirely sure that you can actually commit to it for life.
Things are changing.
What if you fall out of love with them? Or what if they suddenly go crazy after you get married?
Or what if you think someone is better than him or her in every way?
Doubts like these make you wonder if you are really in love with them, and if you will ever be able to commit.
8) It makes you wonder what if ‘the one’ still exists
You still keep your options open.
Maybe there was someone special in your past and you’re still waiting for them to come back.
What if I ever told you that YES, the one for you is still out there and you have one chance to find them before they are gone forever?
No really. Think about it.
Have you just thought about breaking up with your current partner?
Then you are certainly insecure about your relationship.
9) You feel trapped
They are very kind and loving.
And yet for some reason you feel completely suffocated.
There’s something about them that makes you feel trapped, and you hate it. It might even be their love that shocks you!
And if this is how you feel about them, then you are definitely insecure about your relationship.
You may be moving too fast, or you may not be mentally prepared to be loved. Maybe they are actually overbearing and you just didn’t know it.
Whatever the reason may be, try to sort it out before proceeding.
You see, if you are confident in your relationship, you wouldn’t feel suffocated by their love. On the contrary!
You would feel like you want more and more of it. And you would like to give them more in return.
10) You’re jealous of your single friends
Jealousy is a window into our true desires.
So if you’re jealous of your single friends, ask yourself why.
What do they have that you don’t have?
Are you jealous that they can date and have sex with whoever they want? That they can travel the world whenever they want, go out and do whatever they want?
Then you’re probably insecure about your relationship, especially if you’ve been feeling this way for a while.
I’m not saying you should break up. You should first try to address why you are jealous and try that make some changes in your relationship.
But if that doesn’t work, maybe you should respect your desires and try being single for a while.
11) You’re jealous of your happily coupled friends
Trust me, if you are happy with your relationship, you wouldn’t be jealous of other couples at all.
You might be jealous of their wealth or their fame. But in no way would you be jealous of anything regarding their relationship.
You wouldn’t think things like “oh, they’re always happy when they’re together,” “how come they always get along?”, or “I wish we were more like them.”
If you do that, you won’t be completely satisfied with your relationship.
12) You feel like you’re settling
Does being with your partner feel like you are simply giving up on love?
Do you sometimes feel like you are one of those people who randomly chooses a partner to settle down and have children?
Does your relationship feel ‘too safe’?
While it’s very healthy to feel comfortable, safe, and secure with your partner (trust me, you don’t want toxic love!), feeling like you’re just settling down is different.
You need to examine exactly why you feel this way.
Maybe you have unrealistic views on love and romance.
You may feel pressured to settle down, even though you don’t want to.
Or maybe… maybe they’re not the one.
If you don’t identify with any of these, congratulations!
You’re probably ready to take your relationship to the next level.
But don’t be too dismayed if you DO deal with these feelings. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner aren’t meant to be.
I’m in a loving relationship and I get these feelings sometimes.
You see, it can mean many things: from having commitment issues to experiencing a midlife crisis. In my case, well…I guess I’m just a natural overthinker.
So do not use this article as a basis for deciding whether or not you should break off the relationship with your partner.
Simply use it to assess your current feelings and think about why you have them.
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