In a perfect world, would a man just come out and tell you if he’s attracted to you?
One of the most frustrating things that happens when dating is trying to figure out how much, if at all, the other person loves you.
But at the same time, for some people, this is all part of the fun.
What would the search for love be like if there were no mystery, no fun and no games?
Heck, it’s all hypothetical anyway!
In the real world, there are many reasons why you need to interpret a guy’s behavior to figure out if he likes you. He may be shy, wary, or even particularly bad at expressing his interest.
But luckily for you, psychological research has turned up some pretty good clues that can help you in your sleuthing.
So if you want to know if he is interested or not, here are eleven signs that a man is secretly attracted to you, according to psychology.
1) He is happy when he is near you.
Not sure if a man is secretly attracted to you or not?
It’s time to start searching.
If he doesn’t come right out and tell you, you have no choice but to collect the clues yourself, and one of the first places to start is his mood.
Does it seem like this guy is happier when you’re around?
Does his face light up when you enter the room, or does he smile when you make eye contact?
According to neurobiological research, this is a good sign that he likes you. Why?
Because his attraction to you, while it may be a secret, produces a medley of brain chemicals that drive his behavior. When he sees you, he gets injections of dopamine and oxytocin, the neurotransmitters that make us feel happy, rewarded and satisfied.
But at the same time, he may also seem nervous. This is because a secret attraction, like many love situations, can also be stressful and cause his brain to release stress hormones.
So while he may be smiling, he may also seem nervous, excited, and generally stimulated by you.
2) He touches himself.
Oh, okay, yeah… I understand you might think that’s what I meant, but get your mind out of the gutter!
I just meant that he doesn’t sit still like a statue when he’s near you.
According to one big study into flirting from the University of Kansas, self-touch is a consistent sign of flirting and attraction.
Please be clear that I don’t mean touching his naughty bits or rubbing them against the side of the couch.
We’re talking face touching, light scratching, hand clapping, self-massage, and plenty of other signs that he’s interested.
This is essentially his subconscious taking over some of his behavior.
In his mind, he’s probably thinking about how wonderful it would be to be close to you and touch you, and his hands start performing these imaginary actions on themselves.
So when he rubs the back of his neck, he’s really thinking about rubbing yours. And when he claps his hands, he’s actually imagining how much he wants to hold your hand.
3) He is very positive.
Another meta-study from the University of Dayton found many signals of attraction by analyzing several other studies.
One of the biggest signs this research shows that a man is attracted to you is positivity.
What does this look like?
He confirms what you say. He nods and says yes, showing that he agrees with you.
What he is doing here is building a bond and rapport by being friendly. Whether he knows it or not, he wants you to like him, and that’s why he’s so nice himself.
4) His mouth says it all.
Well, his mouth says just about everything, but “I’m secretly attracted to you.”
Oh of course, he can’t say that because then it would no longer be a secret!
Instead, I’m talking about body language related to his mouth.
He often bites or licks his lips. He puts his hands or other objects in or near his mouth.
This is another one of the unconscious behaviors he will show that he has no control over and probably has no idea he is doing.
You also have to be careful and use your detective skills to answer one question: is he doing this more than usual?
Sometimes this type of oral fixation can simply be a sign of nervousness. However, if he does it to you much more often than you notice him doing it to others, you have a pretty good idea.
5) He is more expressive than usual.
Again, you need to know the guy’s normal behavior so you have something to compare to how he interacts with you.
But according to the Dayton study, a man who is attracted and tries to flirt with you will be more expressive.
He will make more facial expressions, and they will be more exaggerated than normal.
He will also make more physical expressions, especially hand gestures, if he is interested in you.
6) He plays with things.
The Dayton study also found that people are more likely to play with objects when they are attracted and trying to flirt.
So if a guy likes you, he will play with objects or adjust his clothes when he is around you and especially when he talks to you.
He will fidget and squirm and generally show more of that nervous energy than other people.
7) He’ll give you those looks.
Well, he might look at you with a flirty look.
You know the one, with the corners of his mouth slightly turned up and his eyes slightly cross-eyed.
He may also be reserved, alternating between looking at you and looking down or away.
If his attraction is secret, he will probably feel nervous about it and try not to draw attention to it.
But actually, playing coy will give you just as many clues as a flirty look!
8) He will talk a lot.
He will talk a lot more than usual anyway, even though he is a naturally quiet person.
He will be much more excited and want to communicate with you.
He will also reveal a lot of personal details that he probably wouldn’t really want to reveal to someone he doesn’t love.
The Dayton study found that people who are attracted to each other and flirt reveal much more personal information than normal conversations would reveal.
9) He will get closer to you.
The University of Kansas research found that getting close is a very good sign that someone is attracted to you.
If a man sits or stands closer to you than to other people, that is a very good sign that he wants to be closer to you both physically and emotionally.
This guy likes you!
He can’t help but let himself be drawn into your sphere of influence – you’re as attractive as gravity!
10) He will mirror you.
Mirroring, also called mimicry, is when another person performs the same actions as you.
The Kansas study also found that there is a strong link between mirroring and attraction.
People who get along well mirror each other when they talk automatically. This happens even more when it is a real attraction.
So if you’re talking to a guy and he keeps doing the same position as you, like leaning back as you do and crossing his legs the same way you do, that shows his secret attraction.
11) He’s focused on you.
It’s probably no surprise that if a guy likes you, he’ll focus on you.
But what may be surprising is how this actually manifests itself in his behavior.
Of course he will look at you more than at other people, and he will also listen to you more and want to talk to you more, as we have already seen.
But according to research by Sam Houston State Universityhe will not only pay more attention to you, but also less to other people.
In concrete terms, he will be much less interested in other people who are also attractive and available and who might also like him.
This study found that when people are satisfied with the person they like, they spend much less time considering other options. That bodes well for happy relationships and finding clear signs of attraction.
These 11 signs that a man is secretly attracted to you according to psychology have some clear research behind them.
While none of them are foolproof on their own, once you start adding up these clues, you can rest assured that his appeal is real.
And then you can decide what you want to do about it, like give back your own secret attraction!
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