Home Psychology 8 sentences that psychology says you should never say to your partner

8 sentences that psychology says you should never say to your partner

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8 sentences that psychology says you should never say to your partner

You know, relationships are a funny thing.

You are crazy about this person and you want to express your feelings, your thoughts, your frustrations. But sometimes the words that come out of your mouth can do more harm than good.

We’ve all been there, right?

Maybe it’s an ill-considered comment made in the heat of an argument, or maybe it’s a well-intentioned joke that doesn’t land quite right. Either way, you’re left with a partner who is hurt, frustrated, or just plain angry.

And the crazy part? You probably didn’t even realize that what you said was so harmful.

That’s where psychology comes into play. Here are 8 phrases that can be harmful to a relationship.

1) “You are exaggerating”

This one may seem innocent. You might even think you’re trying to help by bringing a sense of perspective to an emotional situation.

But the thing is, telling someone they’re exaggerating actually invalidates their feelings. In other words, you’re saying that their emotional response to a situation is not valid or justified.

Guess what? That hurts.

No one wants to feel like their emotions are being ignored or minimized. It can lead to resentment, frustration and even a breakdown in communication.

Psychology tells us that validation is an important part of emotional health in a relationship. If you tell your partner that he or she is overreacting, you are doing the exact opposite.

2) “Why can’t you ever understand?”

Here’s a confession. I have been guilty of this. In the heat of the moment, as frustration mounted, I asked my partner, “Why can’t you ever understand?”

But here’s what I learned. This sentence is like a double-edged sword. It not only makes your partner feel inadequate, but also puts him on the defensive.

Psychology explains that when we are defensivewe are less open to understanding and more focused on protecting ourselves. By using this phrase we actually ensure that our partners understand us even further.

Furthermore, it is a blanket statement that unfairly generalizes their behavior. No one gets it right all the time, and it’s important to remember that.

In retrospect, I realize how crucial it is to choose our words wisely and express our concerns in a less accusatory way.

Instead of saying, “Why can’t you ever understand?”, consider saying, “I feel misunderstood when…”. It makes a world of difference, believe me.

3) “You always…” or “You never…”

I remember one day my partner and I were arguing about the dishes. Yes, the dishes. It’s funny how the littlest things can lead to the biggest fights, right?

In my frustration I blurted out, “You never help with the chores!”

The look on their faces hits me like a ton of bricks.

The use of absolute values ​​such as ‘always’ and ‘never’ is something that psychology advises against. These words are not only inaccurate, but can also make your partner feel cornered and attacked. It sets a pattern and makes them feel like they can’t do anything right.

Looking back, I realize that my statement was far from honest. My partner had helped me before. At that point my frustration got the better of me and I ended up saying something I didn’t mean.

I have since learned that it is more helpful to communicate specific cases and feelings rather than generalize their behavior.

4) “It’s no big deal”

Picture this. You’ve had a rough day. All you want to do is talk to your partner about it, but instead of lending a listening ear, they tell you, “It’s no big deal.”

Ouch, right?

According to psychology when we minimize or dismiss our partner’s concerns, we are actually invalidating their experiences and feelings. This can lead to feelings of resentment and create emotional distance between the two of you.

In fact, researchers have found that empathy – the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings – is one of the strongest predictors of a healthy, satisfying relationship.

So, instead of saying, “It doesn’t matter,” try showing empathy and validating their feelings. You might say something like, “That sounds really difficult” or “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

It may be a small change in language, but it can make a world of difference in the way your partner feels heard and understood.

5) “You are just like your mother/father”

Okay, let’s be real. Comparing your partner to his parents – especially during an argument – ​​is a no-go zone.

When we use this expression, we are usually trying to point out a negative trait that we observed in their parents and that we now see in our partner. And let’s be honest: no one likes to hear that.

Psychology tells us that such comparisons can lead to feelings of resentment and defensiveness. Why? Because it’s personal. It hits close to home.

And most importantly, it is often used as a slap during arguments, rather than as constructive criticism.

6) “If you loved me, you would…”

This is a tricky one. You might think that this phrase is a simple way to express your needs or desires.

But here’s the catch: it’s manipulative.

When we use love as a bargaining chip, we create a transactional dynamic in our relationship. We say that their love for us should dictate their actions or behavior, and that’s not fair.

Psychology indicates that this kind of emotional manipulation is possible lead to resentment and can create a power imbalance in the relationship.

Instead of using this phrase, try expressing your needs or wishes directly and respectfully. You could say something like, “It would mean a lot to me if you could…” This expresses your need without questioning their love for you or making them feel obligated to give up. to act in a certain way.

7) “I’m doing well”

How many times have we said, “I’m doing fine,” when we were doing anything but?

This phrase is one of the most common yet damaging things we can say in a relationship. By saying, “I’m fine” when we’re not, we cut off communication and create a barrier between ourselves and our partner.

Psychology tells us that open, honest communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

When we bottle up our feelings and hide behind the facade of “all is well,” we don’t allow our partner to understand or address what’s bothering us.

8) “Whatever”

Last but not least we have “whatever”.

This phrase may seem innocent enough, but it’s actually one of the most destructive things you can say in a relationship. When we say “whatever,” it’s like waving a white flag. We show indifference and indifference, which can make our partner feel unexpected and unimportant.

Psychology reminds us that this kind rejecting behavior can lead to feelings of resentment and can erode trust and closeness in a relationship.

Instead of saying “whatever,” try to stay involved in the conversation, even if it’s difficult. You could say something like, “I need some time to think about this,” or “Let’s come back to this when we’re both calm.”

This shows your partner that you value their perspective and are committed to resolving conflict in a healthy way.

Final thoughts

After reading these sentences, you may find yourself thinking about your own communication patterns. That’s a good thing.

We are all still working and there is always room for improvement when it comes to the way we communicate with our partners.

But don’t feel discouraged if you’ve used some of these phrases before. We all have. The most important thing is to recognize them and understand the impact they can have on our relationships.

The key is empathy and understanding. Putting ourselves in our partner’s shoes can help us better understand how our words might be received.

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