What do you think – is EQ more important than IQ when it comes to choosing a partner?
Of course, ideally you shouldn’t have to choose, and I’m certainly not the one to force you!
I’m just curious if you think emotional intelligence is as important in a relationship as I think.
To me, that emotional intelligence will help you stay happy and keep your relationship happy for years to come. Not only that, but having high EQs can also help people be successful in education and in their careers.
So it’s not just raw intelligence that can help secure a great material future, in addition to your emotional future.
I obviously have a brilliant partner reading this over my shoulder right now (!), but I think I love her emotional intelligence even more than her intellect.
Because there are at least seven things that people with high emotional intelligence do that make them excellent partners that you will be truly grateful for.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a brilliant, attractive, talented person who you really admired?
Next question: did it fall apart because that person was a poor communicator?
Well, my relationship was (don’t worry, she’s gone, and I can talk about my ex now!), and it was a real disappointment.
I dated a woman for about six months, and it went really well. We had talked about taking things to the next level, or at least I did, but when I came up with the idea of moving in together, <poef!> she disappeared faster than a magician’s assistant!
She wasn’t completely ghosting me, but she was suddenly very busy, tired, and otherwise unavailable. We talked a bit on the phone, but things were very stilted and awkward.
I didn’t see her for a week, and when we finally called it quits, I gave her time to bring up what was clearly bothering her.
But she didn’t.
We went out to dinner and met friends afterwards, and she never said a word about what happened.
So the next time we met I brought it up again and told her I didn’t mean to scare her or anything. I wanted to make sure she knew I was cool if she wasn’t ready, but even this she kind of brushed aside and tried to avoid.
For me this meant trouble.
I was looking for someone I could communicate with, and while she checked most of my other boxes, unfortunately it quickly became clear that this wasn’t that person.
2) Respect boundaries
We all have boundaries, even if we don’t necessarily realize where they all lie.
There are things you wouldn’t do for moral reasons, that you may not have thought about until someone tries to push you in that direction.
There are limits to what you can assume from other people before you become angry or feel like your privacy is being violated.
These are just a few examples.
Well, people with high emotional intelligence will respect your boundaries and not ignore them or try to push past them as others would.
But they also do something better.
They often realize earlier where your limits lie.
So it’s not like pushing once, and then standing up for yourself, and everyone knows where your limit is.
In most cases they can sense things very well and don’t have to push you at all.
This helps keep their relationships smooth and their partners feeling respected and valued.
3) Support you when you are down
If you have high emotional intelligence, it means that you are good at recognizing, understanding and dealing with the emotions of others.
So you better believe that partners with high EQs will be excellent at detecting when you’re feeling your best.
And if you’re really in trouble, like if you don’t manage to get the great job you were looking for, or if you mess up at work, they’ve got your back.
They recognize that disappointment is normal, but they can also see when things have gone too far. They can see signs that you are beating yourself up or even falling into depression.
When they do, they grab you by the hand and lead you back to a place where you can feel grounded.
Instead of wallowing in it self-pity or lower your self-esteem to nothing, they remind you that you are still a valuable person even if you messed up.
Their ability to know when and how to support you when you are down is invaluable.
4) Support you when you are awake
But so does their ability to support you when you’re awake.
This is something many people forget about relationships.
They are meant to be partnerships, where the combination of the two of you is better than the sum of your two separate parts.
But in many relationships, partners don’t feel respected or appreciated appropriately.
So if one wins, the other may be jealous or even resentful of him or her. They may become competitive and try to give their partner an edge, or they may downplay the achievement by trying to take the wind out of the other person’s sails.
A partner with great social intelligence however, wouldn’t do any of these things.
They praise their partners and believe they deserve their achievements, and this causes them to share their victories rather than resent them.
5) Help you understand yourself
Sometimes we react to situations without thinking.
Even those of us who tend to overthink things can still act impulsively or have knee-jerk reactions when we are stressed or excited.
At other times we remain silent when others would do something. We do nothing, even though there is little point in staying frozen.
These things usually happen when we are not fully in touch with our emotions.
Here’s an example of what I mean.
I once had a job that I really liked. It was challenging and interesting, and I felt quite accomplished every day.
But it also had a big problem, which was that I was the new guy working with an established team that all knew and liked each other. So guess what?
They blamed me for everything that went wrong. I was constantly criticized for their mistakes, and it was really unfair.
And yet I didn’t do anything about it.
But luckily my partner helped me understand why I had this.
She helped me process my feelings about the situation and realize why I was paralyzed. It became clear that I was too worried about losing this great job to stand up for myself, but not standing up for myself put me in even more danger of losing the job.
That definitely led me to make changes for the better, and I was really grateful to her for helping me understand things that I hadn’t even recognized in myself!
Emotionally intelligent people have a good sense of when to talk and when to listen.
If you have something really important to talk about, they sense it and give you the floor.
They also listen actively.
They give you feedback, nod and ask relevant questions to let you know they are paying attention.
And they certainly aren’t playing on their phones or watching videos while you talk about the most important thing that happened to you that day.
You may have to get their attention, but if your partner is emotionally intelligent and mature, you can just ask for it. Of course, you should also use your EQ to let you know when you can reasonably ask for their attention.
Then they will give it to you by really listening to you and appreciating you.
7) Take care of themselves
Emotionally intelligent people recognize and understand the emotions of others, but they also understand their own emotions.
This doesn’t mean that they end up taking care of themselves because they think their partners can’t.
Instead, they recognize their own needs and know that if they don’t expect them, they won’t be happy.
So they do things like take a day off from work or go for a solo walk in the woods to clear their heads. They may also let you know that they need to get together with their friends and socialize to help them solve some problems or get their energy levels back up.
Whatever they need, they know they need to take steps to take care of themselves and not just wait and hope you or someone else does.
They know we all need self-care, and they will encourage you to do the same.
These seven things people with high emotional intelligence do that make them great partners are worth their weight in gold.
They help improve their emotional hygiene and that of their partners so that their relationships are truly happy and healthy.
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