According to the American Psychology AssociationAbout half of all first marriages in America end in divorce – a rate that rises significantly for second marriages.
I'll go a step further and suggest that this figure is even higher for couples who remain in the marriage but remain unfulfilled and angry.
Given these rather staggering facts, it is safe to conclude that truly successful couples are in the minority today.
So what do they do differently than everyone else?
First, as a couple, they remain tactful enough to avoid certain bad behaviors and habits.
In this article I'll show you some things that psychologically strong couples rarely do.
Let's dive in!
1) They never avoid communication
It's true what they say: communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, romantic or otherwise.
If you don't talk, your chances of a successful relationship are slim at best.
Mentally strong couples often do not shy away from discussing their feelings, needs, or concerns.
They don't keep their feelings inside all the time, which allows them to fester, creating unnecessary hostility and resentment.
If you bottle up feelings and thoughts indefinitely, like a pressure cooker, things can explode.
Remember, if you want your relationship to work, open and honest communication is crucial.
This allows you to soothe conflict and allow yourself to thrive.
According to psychologist Harriet B. Braiker: “Conflict avoidance is not the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and poor communication.”
2) They don't hold grudges
Mentally strong couples are masters of letting go.
Instead of harboring grudges and allowing these feelings to spiral, they actively work toward forgiveness and overcoming old grievances.
They're in it to win it.
Therefore, they tend to work as a team and let go of lingerie issues; issues that, if not addressed, could come back later and harm their union.
When you're consistently on the same page, your chances of making it work increase exponentially.
Dr. Steve Maraboli has stated: “To bear grudges and to harbor anger and grudges is poison to the soul. Take revenge on the people, but not on those who hurt us. Forget them, but take revenge on those who helped us.”
3) They don't ignore individuality
I know people who get so caught up in 'being in love' or simply being in a relationship that they lose sight of their own identity.
This is a recipe for disaster.
Our uniqueness as individuals is what makes us, well, us; it's what makes us special.
When we lose sight of ourselves and sacrifice our individuality for a relationship, it can almost feel like we are in a trance.
When we finally get out, powerful feelings of regret will invariably arise.
If you're part of a mentally strong couple, you'll almost always maintain your interests, friendships, and other routes to personal growth—and not rely solely on your SO for emotional support.
Psychology today says about maintaining identity in a relationship, “The goal is to be close yet maintain an identity as a separate person. When people in a individualized statethey are happier and more optimistic. They have a stronger sense of themselves, which makes them capable of more intimacylove and passion in their relationship.”
4) They don't ignore boundaries
When we let our guard down in a relationship, there is an occasional tendency to neglect boundaries.
But the point is, even in the most passionate, amorous relationships, healthy boundaries need to be both established and respected.
As long as you're dating someone who is a living, breathing human being, they deserve their personal space and autonomy, whether they recognize it or not.
So if sustainability is your goal, start appreciating the virtue of having relationship boundaries.
This is not only good for the relationship, it is also healthy for you as an individual.
According to the website Connect psychology: “Boundaries are a conceptual boundary between you and the other. Simply put, it's about knowing where you end and others begin. Knowing what is yours and what is not. Recognizing that every adult is responsible for themselves.”
5) They don't compare relationships
Comparison is the thief of joy; something that is especially true when it comes to relationships.
I remember my ex always comparing our relationship to others.
She'd watch formulaic rom-coms, or see her acquaintances' “perfect” relationships on Instagram, often remarking that ours never quite measured up.
I did my best to please her, to make everything work, but because she often had a tendency to compare, she was never completely satisfied.
This ultimately led to resentment in me as well – and our union inevitably collapsed because of it.
The moral of the story? Instead of seeing how everyone else is doing, focus on your unique journey and growing together.
Measure your happiness and satisfaction from within, not in relation to everyone else.
There is no perfect relationship; and if that's what you're aiming for, you're setting yourself up for failure.
Life coach Vironika Tugaleva says about comparisons: “There is no point in comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone ahead and someone behind, and there will be dozens (if not hundreds) of different scales and gradients of being behind and leading.”
6) They don't ignore appreciation
Mentally strong couples don't often take each other for granted.
If a party does not feel appreciated, this can often mean the beginning of the end.
So if you want to make things work, it's in your best interest to consistently make an effort to express gratitude, appreciation (and love) for your partner.
In the context of a relationship, these are very core needs; and if your partner isn't getting these things from you, he or she can fill that void elsewhere.
Appreciate your partner. It guides you through life's inevitable highs and lows.
Ace Psychology today puts it this way: “Feeling appreciated by your partner is like “glue” that can help hold a relationship together during difficult times.”
Every mentally strong couple understands the importance of constant effort and appreciation for their significant other.
7) They don't let the ego dominate
As we've established, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship.
Not even closed.
But if you want to get along with your partner, to create a lasting sense of harmony, you need to be able to put your pride aside every now and then.
Some people are so stubborn that they will rarely apologize, compromise, or even admit to the slightest mistake.
Believe me, I know many people with these qualities; qualities that indicate underlying, deep-seated personal problems.
So don't let your ego dominate.
Remember that you are a team; and to win you must work together, compromise and make sacrifices where necessary.
If you find someone you love and you want your relationship to succeed, you have to act like a mentally strong couple and work hard for it.
Like everything in life, there are no shortcuts to a blossoming, prosperous romance.
As you know by now, a really, really successful relationship is much rarer than we think.
The route to get there is to put in the time; and especially by avoiding the so-called bad behavior.
Avoidance creates wisdom. And real love.
You got this.
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