Is every person you meet a little annoying? Do you get into more arguments than you would like?
It can be easy to think that everyone in the office is just stubborn, but it could also be just you.
People avoid difficult people because they complicate life.
But what if you’re not really a difficult person to deal with?
Here are the 7 signs that you are not a difficult person; you just won’t tolerate dishonesty.
Let’s dive in.
1) You ask open questions
People who tend to lie are less likely to say, “I don’t know,” but instead offer an immediate answer, even if it isn’t true.
Asking questions is an effective way to expose lies. This way you appear curious and not confrontational or suspicious, so that other people are willing to give you more information.
Questions may be about:
- Things you don’t know the answer to, but that you would like to learn;
- Things you know the answer to, but you want other people to give their opinion;
- Things you both know the answer to, but would like some additional details about.
While this may seem like paying too much attention to the details to some people, you just want to make sure others are telling the truth, and you also value authenticity.
2) You tell people they are lying
A pathological liar tells lies and stories that fall somewhere between conscious lying and lying delusion. Sometimes they even believe their own lies.
It’s hard to know how to deal with a pathological liar who may not always be aware of his lies. Some do it so often that experts think that over time they may no longer know the difference between fact and fiction.
Pathological liars also tend to be natural performers. They are eloquent and know how to communicate with others while speaking.
But of all the people who could put up with someone’s lies, you won’t. You would tell them to their face that they are lying just because you cannot tolerate dishonesty.
It doesn’t make you difficult, even though it may seem that way to others.
3) You set clear boundaries
If you don’t tolerate lies, depending on your relationship with the person, you can say:
- “I don’t want our relationship to be based on lies. I can only be your friend/partner if you tell me the truth.’
- “I’ll have to terminate your employment if I find out you lied to me again.”
Even if you set your boundaries strongly, the boundary may not be effective if the person’s urge to lie is strong.
So they may continue to lie to you despite the threat that you will leave the relationship.
In this case, it may be better to end the relationship once and for all.
4) You pay attention to the things people say
Although body language expresses real emotions, it is often difficult to detect lies based on body language alone.
For example, you may rightly determine that your colleague is stressed, but you cannot see that he/she is busy with something.
That’s why, if you don’t tolerate lies, you’d much rather focus on the person’s nonverbal cues to tell how much truth they’re telling.
5) You always ask for details
Liars may be less inclined to include what we call “verifiable details.” Verifiable details are details that can definitively prove their story to be true or false, including:
- Exact times of events;
- Names of specific locations;
- Names of the people they encountered;
- Their exact route to a place;
- The specific words they used in conversation.
It’s normal to forget certain information, especially if you’re talking about something that happened further in the past.
But if the person you’re talking to seems deliberately vague or ignores questions about details, it could be a sign that he or she is lying.
And as someone who appreciates the truth, you would always ask for additional details.
6) You have strong opinions and are not afraid to express them
Passionate people are usually very opinionated and are not afraid to share their opinions with others.
If you find yourself getting into heated debates with people about issues you care about, it’s a sign that you’re passionate about those things. Liars do not share that philosophy.
That’s why some people may find you difficult.
7) You love to ask “why”
If you suspect someone is lying to you but you’re not sure, you can easily find out by asking them, “Why?” to ask.
It is much more difficult for people to lie about why they did something or why something happened than it is to lie about basic facts.
If someone has trouble explaining their intentions, it’s a big warning sign that they’re lying.
You would recognize them in an instant with your focused “Why?” to ask.
The difference between white lies and real lies
Most people lie sometimes. Research shows that we tell stories on average 1.65 lies every day. Most of these lies are considered “white lies.”
White lies are incidental and consist of:
- Small fibers;
- Harmless inaccuracies;
- They have no malicious intentions;
- Things we say to spare someone else’s feelings or to avoid trouble.
Some examples of white lies are:
- Saying you have a headache to attend a meeting;
- Saying you paid the phone bill when you forgot to pay it;
- Lying about why you were late for work
Pathological lies, on the other hand, are told consistently and out of habit. They often seem pointless and often continuous.
Pathological links are:
- Told often and compulsively;
- Told for no apparent reason or gain;
- Are continuous;
- Told to make the narrator seem heroic or victimized;
- Are not dug up by guilt or the risk of being discovered.
Examples of pathological lying:
- Creating a false history, such as saying they have achieved or experienced something they have not achieved;
- Claiming to have a life-threatening illness that they do not have;
- Telling lies to impress others, such as saying they are related to a famous person.
How to deal with a pathological liar
Knowing a pathological liar can be very frustrating because the lying seems pointless.
It can test trust in any relationship and make it difficult to have even a simple conversation with the person.
And if you’re someone who doesn’t tolerate lies, it can be even harder for you.
Here are some tips that can help you have a conversation with one pathological link.
Don’t lose your patience
As frustrating as it may be, it’s important not to let your anger get the better of you when confronted with a pathological liar. Be supportive and kind, but firm.
A pathological liar tends to respond first with a lie. If you confront them with their lies, chances are they will deny it.
They may become enraged and shocked by the accusation.
Remember, it’s not about you
It’s hard not to be personally linked, but pathological lying isn’t about you. The person may be driven by an underlying personality disorder, anxiety or low self-esteem.
When you talk to the person about their lies, remind them that they don’t have to try to impress you. Let them know that you appreciate them for who they really are.
Don’t hire them
If you notice that the person is lying, don’t engage in it. You may wonder what they say that might encourage them to stop lying at that moment.
You can also let them know that you don’t want to continue the conversation if they are being dishonest.
Suggest medical attention
Without judgment or shame, suggest that they consider professional help and let them know that your suggestion comes from a genuine concern for their well-being.
Be prepared with information about pathological lying, such as a printout of an article or a pamphlet that they can read when they are ready.
Expressing your concern that their behavior may be the result of an underlying medical condition can also help.
Why do pathological liars fascinate people?
A pathological liar is an excellent storyteller and performer. They know how to captivate their audience by telling elaborate and fantastic stories while being highly animated.
In addition to knowing how to weave and express a detailed story, people are also fascinated by what drives a person to lie.
It’s normal to want to know why they’re lying, especially if there’s no obvious reason for their lies.
Lying as a coping skill
Many people who lie use it compulsively as a coping skill because it protected them or solved a problem in the past, perhaps when they were very young. So if someone is a compulsive liar, they have probably faced difficult situations in which lying helped them cope or keep them safe.
Pathological lying is a pattern that becomes apparent across multiple situations and topics and persists over time.
It can be a compulsion in itself or a symptom of a mental illness.
If you are being linked, try to stay grounded, limit interactions, and set healthy boundaries. If you need support, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist.
Don’t think that discovering and calling out lies makes you a bad person. On the contrary, it could help others learn the truth or, in the case of the liars, break their harmful habit.
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