7 secrets that psychology says you should never hide from your partner

It’s just a little lie, right? They’ll never know, right?

Unfortunately it is not correct at all.

Lying in a relationship is bad, bad news – whatever your reasons.

If you’re keeping secrets from your partner, the relationship is probably more doomed than you think. And I hate to break it to you, but things could end up getting worse.

Especially if you’re keeping secrets about any of these 7 things…

1) Your dating history

My ex lied to me about who he lost his virginity to. It turned out to be his best friend’s current girlfriend, who I got along really well with. I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. But when I found out he had lied, I felt super uncomfortable…

There is certainly no need to share all the intimate details of your past. I would hate to know everything about what my current partner was up to! Just like I’m sure he wouldn’t like hearing the same things about me.

And if they don’t ask, there’s probably no need to tell…

But otherwise, be honest about your dating history when your partner asks you about it. Lying about who you dated and everything else you did will only cause more problems later…

2) How much money you make

I can already hear the excuses.

“But this relationship isn’t serious!”

“Maybe they’ll benefit from knowing how much I earn!”

Even if these things are true (or suspected), you can’t lie about your job to the person you’re in a relationship with. And you really shouldn’t lie about your salary.

I understand why you would want to lie. Believe me, I really do. But lying about something like this is not the way to build a good relationship.

If someone is only dating you because he or she thinks you make the big money or have a certain job, then he or she is not someone you should date.

And if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your paycheck with the person you’re dating, just be honest about it! Tell them you’d rather not say it now.

Of course, if things are serious, you can’t keep it a secret from them forever… But telling them you don’t want to share it is much better than lying – I can promise you that.

3) Your age

“I just want people to get to know me before they rule me out based on age” – you might say to justify why your age is lower or higher on the dating apps.

And again: I really get it. There is a stigma attached to the fact that women have to be younger or the same age as men. And vice versa: a man is older than a woman.

So that could be possible tempting to lie about your age to widen your net. Or to attract the ‘type’ of person you are looking for. But it’s really not a good idea.

First, they will never trust you again if they find out. Second, it is manipulative. And third (hard truth warning): you need to be more sure of yourself.

If you think they won’t like you for who you really are, maybe this is all in your head. If you’re sure they won’t, then the relationship isn’t good. And no amount of lies will make it right…

4) Your social plans

Another thing you shouldn’t lie about; where you go and who you go with.

I can only think of three reasons why you would lie about your social plans.

One: you’re ashamed of where you’re going or who you’re going with. Two, your partner won’t like where you’re going or who you’re going with. And three: you shouldn’t be where you’re going and not see who you see!

And to be honest, none of these are justifiable.

If your partner embarrasses you, I hate to say it, but this isn’t a real partnership you’re a part of. And if you’re the only one feeling this way, it’s probably just in your head.

If it’s the latter and you know your partner won’t like where you’re going, or that you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing, then you shouldn’t do it.

Like going to the strip club or having coffee with an ex. If your partner doesn’t like it, don’t do it. Or talk to them about it in detail to see if you can find common ground.

Do not lie. It just won’t work in your favor if they find out (and trust me, they always find out!).

5) How much something you bought costs

never hide from your partner

“I just won’t tell him how much I spent”.

“It’s a lot, but I’ll tell my partner it was less.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard colleagues and people on the train say something like that!

Lying is lying. And whatever it’s about, you shouldn’t do it with your partner.

When a relationship is serious, money is an important conversation. Experts actually say it’s one of the most important conversations you can have!

Lying about how much you spend on things is a slippery slope. And besides, it’s just not necessary.

If it’s your money, they have no say in what you spend it on anyway (as long as you don’t have any financial obligations to each other, like a mortgage or bills).

If it’s their money, you certainly can’t lie about how much you spend. That’s a form of financial abuse… And it’s just not the right way to build a healthy relationship.

6) Past infidelity

Did you cheat on your high school girlfriend? Or texting other guys while you were previously in a relationship?

I think everyone makes mistakes in relationships. Of course, some are more serious than others (such as cheating). And I don’t think you need to go into detail about all the mistakes you’ve made in past relationships with your current partner…

But if you’ve been infidelity in past relationshipsyou should tell your partner about this.

I know what you’re thinking: “Maybe they won’t want to date me after this.” And I’ll be honest: maybe not! But if (not if) they find out later, things will get much worse.

They don’t trust anything you say. They may not even trust that you have been faithful to them. And they’ll probably end things faster than you can say you’re sorry!

Whereas if you are honest now and show how much you have grown since then, they are much more likely to accept you for who you are.

Besides, it’s just fairer. It gives them the chance to choose a relationship with someone they actually know. Instead of someone they don’t know at all…

7) Things you are not proud of

You really don’t have to tell your partner everything that’s happening in your life. And you really don’t have to tell them everything that happened to you in the past.

But if they ask about something, you can’t lie in your answer, even if you’re not proud of what you did.

You can tell them you don’t want to talk about it, but keep in mind that you may not be able to say this forever. And besides, it’s good to talk to your partner about things you’re not proud of!

It makes you human and it helps you connect. It also shows how much you have grown and how mature you are when you can reflect on the past and talk about it meaningfully.

I once dated a man who had a scar on his hand. After we had been together for a few years, I asked him how he got it. If you couldn’t guess, he lied.

When I found out and confronted him about the lie, he said he was ashamed of how he actually got it. So he’ll make it sound better than it was.

The thing is, I didn’t care how he did it. I cared that he was lying.

I can promise you that your partner will feel the same way when you talk about similar things – no matter how ashamed you are of what you actually did!

Final thoughts

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: a relationship is nothing without trust.

Even though you may think you can get away with certain lies or distortions of the truth, you may not always be able to.

If you are in a relationship with someone with high emotional intelligence, that person will likely feel that you are not telling the truth. Everyone will probably hear about it through the grapevine eventually.

And anyway, it’s just a bad idea to commit to your partner. If you want to build a strong, solid, healthy, and happy relationship, don’t lie about these things.

If you’ve already lied about any of these things, consider this your sign to speak the truth! Because you can’t live with these lies forever.

And besides, what happens after you tell the truth might not be as bad as you think in your head…

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