Are you intimidating or are they just intimidated?
Maybe both, but it’s a matter of reframing the idea.
For years I felt like I had to reduce my presence so others wouldn’t feel so intimidated. But I thought to myself: it is what it is.
Why should I reduce myself to manageable pieces so that other people don’t feel intimidated? Why should I take their impressions of me into account?
Inviting them into my life under these pretenses is not sustainable anyway, right?
Do you agree? Do I resonate with you now?
If so, let’s talk about it further.
Here are 16 signs that show you have a fiercely independent personality that some may find intimidating.
1) You know your worth
Let’s start with this strong list. You know your worth.
You know what you want and what you deserve. You don’t make yourself available for any outcome other than the one you want.
Why people find this intimidating: Because it seems “too much” for them. Because your determination to know exactly what you deserve is frightening to others.
Because they don’t go for what they want like you do, or maybe because they can’t. Maybe it’s because they don’t want to, or because they tried and failed.
2) You don’t seek validation or approval from others
The validation or approval of others is not important to you. You’re not looking for it you don’t wait to impress others.
Why people find this intimidating: Because they can’t control you this way, because your self-image doesn’t depend on what they think of you.
You are completely up to yourself.
3) You question the status quo
You observe, you ask questions, you ask for change, or you initiate the change. All of this can be difficult for many people.
Questioning the status quo is powerful, but also terrifying. It’s where comfort ends and innovation begins.
Why people find this intimidating: Because they’re comfortable with the status quo and it’s easier to just let go.
Because the status quo benefits them and your choice to rock the boat threatens their current reality.
4) You love your alone time
You enjoy being alone. You reserve moments in your day specifically to spend them alone.
Why people find this intimidating: Because we live in a society that pities those who choose to be alone. We live in a society that promotes the idea that being alone means being lonely.
And to prove otherwise means they have to reconsider their beliefs and that’s too exhausting for other people to do.
But look how you blossom and prove them wrong, right?
5) You are ambitious
You have dreams and goals that are so clear that they light your way forward. You know what you want.
The nice thing is that you also work for it. The level of ambition you possess is not for everyone (and that’s okay). And so does that level of determination.
Why people find this intimidating: Because many people aren’t bold enough to dream big. Because there are people who feel threatened or angry at people who are allowed to follow their dreams.
6) You think of things yourself
Let me use metaphors for this: you are not a damsel in distress, you do not wait to be saved.
When a dragon guards the tower you’re trapped in, you don’t wait for a savior. You climb that tower. You will find a back door.
You ask the dragon to let you out. You fight the dragon yourself.
You are your own savior. You figure things out.
Why people find this intimidating: Because it can make them feel unnecessary.
7) You don’t settle for less
I can’t even tell you how many people have told me to lower my standards so that others will approach me more.
Um. No. Pass.
And that may also be something you’ve heard all your life. Learn to settle for less. Lower your standards.
However, a side effect of knowing your worth is the inability to settle for less than what you deserve.
Why people find this intimidating: Because they may find it easier to comply and can’t understand why you don’t.
8) You have a small group of friends
You believe in quality over quantity when it comes to friendships.
You keep a small group of people close to you, those who have stood the test of time together with you.
Why people find this intimidating: You may feel closed off from other people. You may come across as unfriendly and uninterested.
9) You are financially responsible for yourself
You earn your own money and spend it the way you want.
Bills, bills, bills? Yes, you pay that too. You are financially responsible for yourself.
Why people find this intimidating: When you have your own money, it’s one less way for other people to control your moves (especially in relationships).
10) You stand up for yourself
You don’t stay quiet when you’re not respected. You stand up for yourself.
You assert your rights, needs, wishes and boundaries in every situation, but especially when they are crossed.
Why people find this intimidating: Because not everyone can do it and not everyone wants to do it. After all, silence is sometimes easier.
11) You are emotionally mature
You are emotionally mature.
You roll with the punches. You are a permanent fixture that others look to when the situation worsens.
You are responsible for your emotions, admit your mistakes and accept responsibility for their aftermath.
Why people find this intimidating: They can’t lure you in with mind games. They can’t upset you with small means. They can’t shake you.
12) You have self-confidence
You have confidence in yourself and everything you have to offer.
You are aware of your strengths and weaknesses and despite this you are confident in them.
Why people find this intimidating: Your self-confidence can trigger their insecurities. They may feel inadequate.
13) You are not influenced by peer pressure
As cliché as this may be, you dance to the beat of your own drum. Peer pressure doesn’t work for you.
You do your due diligence when making decisions and they are not influenced by the opinions of those around you.
Why people find this intimidating: They can’t influence you.
14) You have things under control
You take charge, especially when you have to.
You don’t panic, especially when things get tough. You stay calm, you trust that you will get through it.
You keep things under control.
Why people find this intimidating: Capable people can feel as intimidating as they do impressive.
It’s a difficult mix to deal with when someone is a jealous person.
15) You can sense the nonsense of others
You don’t waste time with people who aren’t sincere. And you know when that’s not the case, right?
You have a gut feeling that tells you this is bad news. Your gut tells you they are insincere.
Why people find this intimidating: Those who want to fool you or manipulate you cannot do so because of your bullshit radar.
16) You love who you are
In a world that tries to conform, liking yourself is rebellious.
This world is out to bleed you dry and mold you into a cookie cutter so you can be just like everyone else.
There is nothing wrong with conformity, as long as that is your truth. And that is the essence of it, as long as it is your truth.
As long as you love who you are.
Why people find this intimidating: Because there are people who don’t like who they are. Because there are people who cannot get around the concept of accepting themselves.
However, it is possible, aren’t you proof of that?
Before you go
The right people will accept all these parts of you that others have rejected. The right people will find you endearing.
And look, none of us were meant to please everyone anyway. And you know what? Fine.
The most important thing is that you stay true to who you are and that you love who you are.
Do that first, the rest of the world will catch up soon enough (well, if you want it to, of course.)
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