When someone feels insecure in a relationship, the signs are usually quite obvious.
But sometimes it’s simple, subtle sentences that reveal how they really feel about themselves.
And if you’re not careful, it’s easy to dismiss these phrases as jokes, or even sweet talk, when in reality they’re a cry for reassurance and understanding.
Do you want to know more?
Here are 10 phrases that indicate someone is feeling insecure in a relationship:
1) “Do you really love me?”
This is probably the most indicative phrase that insecure people use in a relationship…
Because if they felt safe, they wouldn’t have to doubt your love.
Even if you do your best for him/her and make it clear how strongly you feel about him/her, an insecure person will have a hard time shaking off the doubt that plagues him/her.
For whatever reason, they feel like they don’t deserve love, which is why they will confront you on this subject again and again.
2) “Why do you spend so much time with (friend’s name)?”
Ah, the casual question about such and such.
It starts off lightheartedly, but you soon realize that every time you meet this person, your partner has questions about them.
The truth is, if they weren’t insecure in the relationship, they wouldn’t have a problem with you hanging out with other people (within reason, of course).
But if they have to deal with it at all feelings of inadequacythey are likely to be suspicious of anyone you are close to (especially members of the opposite sex).
3) “You’re too good for me.”
This is another phrase to look out for if you suspect that your partner or someone you know is feeling insecure in their relationship.
Even when said jokingly, it connotes the idea that this person feels unworthy in some way.
I had an ex who said this. I didn’t pay attention to it at first because I thought he was sweet.
But as our relationship progressed, I realized that he really didn’t feel like he deserved me.
By acknowledging his insecurities, I was able to reassure him and show him that he was in no way inferior or lacking any amazing qualities.
4) “I’m afraid you’ll find someone better.”
A secure person wouldn’t worry about this, let alone talk about it in a relationship. Why?
Because they know what they bring to the table.
They know their partner knows it too. They are confident in their worth and they know there is no one else like them.
So if someone says this, it’s a sign that he or she may be feeling insecure. Certainly, it is a concern of theirs – that one day you might meet someone more interesting and beautiful and leave.
5) “You never listen to me.”
When someone uses this phrase, it is because he or she feels like their opinion is not being taken seriously.
They feel undervalued and ignored.
Whether you want them to feel this way or not, it’s a telling sign that they don’t feel as secure as they should in the relationship.
My ex used to say this all the time, and it upset me because I actually listened to him.
But when I realized that he was generally insecure, I came up with ways to make it extra clear that I valued his opinion (like repeating his words back to him, making sure he followed up on his suggestions when we planned a date , etc.).
6) “I don’t deserve you.”
See point 3.
But I would add: some people will say this just to show their appreciation. My husband will say it when I have gone out of my way and surprised him after he has had a long day.
He is not insecure, but rather grateful.
But if someone uses this phrase in addition to the others I mentioned, chances are he or she is feeling insecure.
7) “Are you sure you’re happy with me?”
You know you’re happy with it, so why don’t they?
Unfortunately, insecurity prevents people from seeing themselves as they really are.
You could have a great relationship, you could make it abundantly clear how happy you are, but if they are insecure it will be hard for them to see that.
It is also an indication that they are concerned about meeting your needs.
They’re probably doing everything right, but overthinking + uncertainty is a bad combination.
8) “Why don’t you ever compliment me?”
Maybe, maybe not. But when someone says this, it’s a direct sign that they want more attention and more validation than what they’re currently getting.
It also indicates that they are not confident in their appearance and want verbal confirmation that you still find them attractive.
This is quite easy to fix – just make a conscious effort to compliment them every time you notice a new hairstyle, or even for no reason at all other than to tell them they look nice.
9) “I always mess things up.”
I bet they don’t screw things up ALL the time.
But when someone makes these kinds of definitive statements, it’s a clear sign that they’re having trouble feeling insecure.
They are extra hard on themselves because in their minds they are always to blame.
Even if it’s something as simple as overcooking the chicken for dinner, they’ll make a big deal out of it because deep down, they hunt for your approval.
A safe person, on the other hand, would recognize that we all make mistakes and that it is not a problem if they make mistakes from time to time.
10) “You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”
And now the saddest statement of all…
When someone says this, there is no doubt that he or she is insecure.
They’re clearly worried about you leaving, and a lot of that stems from what I mentioned in the previous point (wanting approval/validation but feeling like they always screw up).
Ultimately, with all the points above, it is best to approach such a person with love and understanding.
You can’t magically make things better for them, but encouraging them to build their own confidence and self-esteem will naturally make them feel more confident within the relationship.
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